I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
