btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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