My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
