is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
