***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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