my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
