Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize