Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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