If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize