I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
