I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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