some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
