just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
