I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
