i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
