Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
