So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize