mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
