i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
