i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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