so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Are we still banned from the library?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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