I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
