Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
