I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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