Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
