She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
