My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
