i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
