hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
