bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
