Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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