I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize