yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Randomize
