I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
