I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
