We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
