Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
