Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
