She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
