Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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