I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
