This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
