he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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