we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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