so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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