Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
