what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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