i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
