i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i drank out of a bidet.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize