dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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