now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
