I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
