Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize