margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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