Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
