i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
