hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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