and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
