so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
