Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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