omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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