New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
