addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
