you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
