remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize