So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
